well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
