Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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