you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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