Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
