R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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