i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
