Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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