So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
