and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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