So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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