Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just forgot I was standing up.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
