It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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