I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
