the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
