Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
