alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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