i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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