stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
