Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
