I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize