I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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