I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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