I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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