We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize