I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
