You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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