the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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