She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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