DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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