Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
