youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
