Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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