I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
