My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I will pee on everything he values.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
