I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
