the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize