so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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