Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
