There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
