My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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