why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
