The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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