I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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