As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
