In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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