im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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