i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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