Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
