you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?