Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex