Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.