i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.