I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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I don't deserve a penis
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me