I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
