You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
