She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
