My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
