So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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