so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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