My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
