yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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