just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
