Sry I called you an 8
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
